I haven't been doing too well recently and unfortunately things haven't gotten any better. In some respects they have gotten worse. I honestly don't know what to do. I pray for things to improve but nothing seems to help... when or will this mess ever get better? I don't think I can handle too much more...

This time of year can really affect my emotions. Guess what... this year hasn't been a whole lot different. I can say that I have done a lot better dealing with all my feelings associated with it but it is still hard.... I convinced myself a long time ago (two years ago to be exact) that I would never forget her; that I would always remember all her wonderful attributes and all the wonderful things she did.

As I sit here I send this to you Kacie:

  I love you and I miss you terribly. I so badly wish that October 3rd, 2003 never happend but it was what God planned. I ask that you please continue to watch over us and protect us. Your influence on me has changed my life forever and I will be eternally grateful for that. Right now, I do not fear the future and what it brings because I know that someday we will see each again in Heaven. As always, I have always and will always love you....

So I haven't update in a long while so here's a quick update:

Got in another small car wreck (again not my fault) and already taken care of, started my senior year, made Wind Ensemble/ rotation again, started teaching my 12 middle schoolers, still working at the Architecture and Planning Library.

So that's pretty much it in a nutshell. Oddly enough, my classes don't have my spending a lot of time on work. This is good though because I've managed to fill my schedule. Currently, grad school is taking up a lot of my time. Honestly, I never thought it would be this hard but this is probably one of the hardest things I've done. Think about it, how easy is it to choose the "best" school when you only know so much information about their programs, faculty, etc. Plus, most of the advice/ opinions I get are very subjective. To make the matter worse, my family has jumped on the bandwagon and has begun to bug me about it... I swear, this is driving me nuts right now.

Oh and I just found this out some other news from the family which isn't too pleasing. This very well could be the last year in which my family all resides in the same state so spending time together should be important. Thus, my brother and sister-in- law have decided to take a little vacation during Thanksgiving... So now the game is this: will they even care or remember that my birthday is around then? My guess is... no...

To make things harder than they already are, I am already having trouble dealing with the two year anniversary if you want to call it that... I didn't think it would be this bad but it still hurts... a lot....

Anyway, to anyone who actually reads this (which I'm guessing they're aren't any) I apologize for venting so much. Things aren't going so well right now for me and my only wish is that I had someone to talk to about it. Going through all this alone is slowly beating me down...

Yeah so it's been another month since I've posted anything... Here's a quick update for the month of July:  went home for a wedding party "party" which was fun, road tripped to Indiana for a Phi Mu Alpha conference which was amazing, moved into my new apartment which totally rocks, bought a brand new Perantucci PT-15S F-tuba (free gig back and mouthpiece included), practiced my a@@ off and as of today, finished my classes for the summer.

It feels kinda nice now not having to really do anything. Yeah I'm still working at the library, teaching, and practicing but other than that I really don't have anything to do except enjoy the last few weeks of my last as a student at The University of Texas. All in all it's been a decent summer. I've accomplished things that I needed to get done which makes me happy. I've also had fun in the process. However, I am kinda looking forward to school starting back up. This promises to be an exciting last year. Here's a few things I'm doing/ considering doing:

two independent studies with Mr. Villarrubia, my brass quintet, the UTSO Concerto Competition, possibly the Falcone Competition, maybe the Fischoff Competition with the quintet, my Senior recital, grad school auditions, teaching, working, some studying, PMA stuff, all Texas sports and most importantly: enjoying the year and time left in the great city of Austin.